"Are you shrink-wrapped?"

We received a new ransom note yesterday. No photo of woody this time, but there was a note from "Woody" along with the ransom note. However, we have reasons to doubt it's really from Woody. We have a couple of reasons to believe this. 1). It's a type written note. As far as we know, woody cannot type. 2) Woody would NEVER cooperate with terrorists. 3). My name is MISSPELLED in the note. The real woody would NEVER mis-spell my name. We do however believe this note is genuine. They knew the details of what had happened to woody to a tee, and more importantly, the particulars of the delivery of the note was exactly as they have been in the past. We cannot give out these details, as they might compromise our search for the terrorists.

So there you go. The same old tit for tat that's been going on for almost 6 weeks now. Despite the whisperings that we have neglected out duties, we are still making progress and the terrorists will be brought to justice any day.


History tells us that logic is false. We didn't create terrorism by fighting terrorism. This is not the reason why the terrorists are at war against us.

Here is the list of things to do while I'm away.

Hi everyone,I know it's been a while, but here is what I've got. I went on a cross country excursion. I spent the weekend in Orlando FL. As many of you may know, this is Woody's adopted home. After much searching over 2+ days, I found lots of evidence of "Buzz lightyear" but none of Woody. We had fun and it wasn't a wasted trip per se, but now were back and focused on the task at had.

All was quiet while I was gone. Again the terrorists have gone underground. We've got some ideas to lure them out, but seeing as we were gone, we didn't have time to work on our plan.

As you may also remember, Sponge Bob and Raggedy Anne showed up last week. Sponge Bob still hasn't said anything. As you can tell by the look on his face he's been through alot. I fear he may be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or P.T.S.D. All he does when I pull his tongue is sit and shake.

And finally, we had a CONFIRMED Woody sighting in the building. Upon immediate investigation, it turned out to be a false alarm.

Also, don't forget you can sign up for an e-mail update to find out everytime I update this page!

Every nation must make a choice: We can support the moderates and reformers working for change, or we can yield the future to the terrorists and extremists. We have made our choice - we're standing with the moderates and reformers.

"No, Buzz, you've gotta come back."

Hi Everyone, I've got some things to report, but nothing urgent. I'm headed out of town for a few days, so I'll try to update the site as I can. After the return of Sponge Bob and Raggedy Anne, things have been quite. No news on Woody. We've also had a bit of a technical setback in our latest plan to recover Woody. That's ok, we expect things to be fully implemented when we return to the office next week.

What I'm really excited about is the newest feature for keeping track of what goes on here. Simply type your e-mail into the box below , and you'll be automatically contacted whenever I update this page. There is also a link to this on the right side of the page.

EDIT: Apparently the E-mail form isn't working. To sign up for updates, click the link below.

Subscribe by Email

We're pursuing a strategy of freedom around the world, because I understand free nations will reject terror. Free nations will answer the hopes and aspirations of their people. Free nations will help us achieve the peace we all want.

"Boy, am I glad to see you guys!"

LIBERATION DAY!!!

We don't know how, but Sponge Bob is BACK!!! YEAH!!! He and Raggedy Ann Showed back up today. I was gone all day and they were here when I got back! I'm not sure if the terrorists freed them or they escaped on their own and don't really care. They're back. I told everyone a few days ago, that our capabilities were about to be significantly increased. The terrorists must know this. This is why we are winning.

Photos and more details as soon as we have them!

Freedom is beautiful, and when people are free, they express their opinions. You know, they couldn't express their opinions before we came, now they can. I've always said democracy is going to be hard. It's not easy to go from being enslaved to being free. But it's going to happen, because the basic instincts of mankind is to be free. They want to be free. And so, sure, there's going to be people expressing their opinions, and we welcome that, just like here where people can express their opinion.

"Hey, w-wait, What happened?"

So I'm worried that things may take a turn for the worse. Take a look at this past weekend's weather. The photo is from one of our surveillance cameras located where we suspect the terrorists hang out on a regular basis during the winter months. You can tell by the time stamp that the photo was taken last Saturday morning.

That's right folks, it's snow. This can only mean that winter, and therefore ski season, is right around the corner. As the ski season gets closer, and since we have and will continue to steadfastly refuse to negotiate with terrorists, what we are afraid of is that the terrorists will start to get desperate. And who knows what desperate men are capable of? Still, even with the weather change, we will continue out timetable and continue to follow our road map to peace.

We still have difficult work ahead. I wish I could tell you that the violence is waning and that the road ahead will be smooth. It will not. There will be more tough fighting and more days of struggle -- and we will see more images of chaos and carnage in the days and months to come. The terrorists are losing on the field of battle, so they are fighting this war through the pictures we see on television and in the newspapers every day. They're hoping to shake our resolve and force us to retreat. They are not going to succeed.

"Wind, The Frog..."

Not much to report on Woody's status other than yesterday's new ransom note and blackmail photo. That does not mean however, that we are still not actively engaged in fighting this war on terror. Today I can announce that we have started clandestine operations that will SIGNIFICANTLY increase our capability in this fight. For obvious reasons, I cannot disclose at this time what the nature of these operations are. Let me assure each and every one of you, that there will be chaos in the terrorist camp when the full scope of this operation is reveled.

We're going to make sure you have the resources you need to defeat our enemies and secure the peace for generations to come. I believe in you, and I believe in all the people who are serving in the cause of freedom with such courage and such determination. You're winning this war -- and enemies understand that, too.

An Army of One? I don't think so.

L

"Ha ha!! To Infinity and Beyond!!"

NEW RANSOM NOTE!

After almost 2 weeks of silence, the terrorists have finally made contact again! This time with a new ransom note and photo. Taking a page straight out of SID's playbook, Woody appears to be in his greatest danger yet. But you have to hand it to the little guy, even in the face of certain death, he still has that same content smile on his face. But maybe Woody remembers how this story ended in the film. In the movie, the rocket wasn't the end of Woody and Buzz, it took them back home. I bet the terrorists forgot that part!

We still have no word on Sponge Bob. There is also another toy napping victim that we don't want to talk about for security reasons.

We know what the terrorists believe, we know what they have done, and we know what they intend to do. And now the world's free people must summon the will to meet this great challenge. The road ahead is going to be difficult, and it will require more sacrifice. Yet we can have confidence in the outcome, because we've seen freedom conquer tyranny and terror before.

"Just, just keep looking..."

Well our report yesterday of Woody's return wasn't 100% accurate. The "woody" we posted yesterday was, in fact, a "body double". We employed this tactic to try to confuse and disorient the terrorists. For various reasons, which we obviously cannot disclose at this time, we think it worked.

The bad news, however, is that the "real" Woody is still missing, along with Sponge Bob. We are still doing what we can to look for them, but we haven't heard anything in days. We've also have folks bring me a "replacement". Thanks for the thoughts, but it would be hard to "replace" Woody and Bob.

We’ve also added a couple of new features. The first one we added a few days ago. It’s the “Woody Alert Status” on the right hand sidebar. It shows the current perceived terrorist threat level. The second feature is related to the first. The color of the daily quote is now going to be changed to the color of the threat level on that day. This will give us a running record of where we were on any particular day.

We have endured trials before, and we face a difficult road ahead. Winning this fight will require the determined efforts of a unified country, and we must put aside our differences and work together to meet the test that history has given us. We will defeat our enemies. We will protect our people. And we will lead the 21st century into a shining age of human liberty.

C'mon, c'mon, that's it...

He's Back!

As a safe guard he's been moved to a secure location. More details to follow....

We will never back down. We will never give in. And we will never accept anything less than complete victory.

"Who am I to break up the Roundup Gang?"

Wow, what a quiet week. Not much to report, or I would. We've heard nothing from the terrorists since Sponge Bob disappeared last Friday. This can only mean that the terrorists are scared and that we are winning this war on terror. They are afraid to come out of their cubes. They know we are watching them. We are just waiting on the right time to act. We might have a long way to go, but I look forward to the day that Woody and Sponge Bob are safely home. Hopefully that day is soon.

Our offensive against the terrorists includes far more than military might. We use financial tools to make it harder for them to raise money. We're using diplomatic pressure, and our intelligence operations are used to disrupt their day-to-day functions. Because we're on the offense, it is more difficult for them to transfer money through the international banking system. Because we're on the offense, they can no longer communicate openly without fear of destruction. And because we're on the offense, they can no longer move widely without fear.

Thanks for checking in,
L

"Wait for the signal."

Well, I really expected to get back here today and have some sort of indication as to what happened to Sponge Bob. But, I was wrong. There was, in a word, Nothing. Nada. Zippo. Zilch. This raises even more questions. Are the folks that grabbed Sponge Bob the same group of terrorists? Is this a splinter cell? Or is it a completely new group of terrorists? At this point, we have no idea. Since everything seems quiet, we are reducing the threat alert to Code Orange until further notice. Also, given the recent developments, we have moved Rex and Droplet to a secure location.

We've recently started electronic surveillance of some suspected terrorists. Unfortunately, our efforts failed to uncover any evidence of Woody, or of Sponge Bob. Given the location that we had to photograph, we we're unable to obtain full coverage of the areas that we are trying to survey. This happens occasionally in the electronic warfare game. We are in the process of repositioning our assets to obtain better coverage. In the meantime, I can show you some declassified images that we were able to obtain. I'm sorry about the poor quality of these images, we had to reduce the resolution in order to declassify them. In one we were lucky enough to catch a glimpse of one of the suspected kidnappers.




And there's only one path to safety and that's the path of action, the Puppet Act. We must continue to stay on the offense when it comes to chasing these terrorists down and bringing them to justice -- and we will. We've got to be strong and resolute and determined. We will never show weakness in the face of these people who have no soul, who have no conscience, who care less about the life of a man or a woman or a child. We've got to do everything we can here at home. And there's no doubt in my mind that, with the Almighty's blessings and hard work, that we will succeed in our mission.

"Say good-bye to the wife and tatertots!"

CODE RED!!!

SPONGE BOB IS MISSING!!

At this point, we still know very little. The discovery was made late in the day when we went to place sponge bob, rex and droplet in a secure area for the long weekend. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to follow up on the matter AND I'm out of the office until Wed., so I will have Dan check on things first thing Tuesday.

All I have at this point is a photo a where Sponge bob used to be. When I know something, you'll know something. Let's all hope for sponge bob's safety.


The terrorists are as brutal an enemy as we've ever faced. They're unconstrained by any notion of our common humanity, or by the rules of warfare. No one should underestimate the difficulties ahead, nor should they overlook the advantages we bring to this fight.

L

"No, I'm fine...I'm okay..."

In my last post, I said we knew more. Well we do. We were just waiting on lab results to to bring everyone up to date. Yesterday, we did receive a photo of woody supposedly being tortured. From the beginning, be had reason to believe that this photo was a fake. After careful analysis, the photography experts in our lab have determined that the photo is indeed a fabrication. If you click the thumbnail, you can see woody, in what appears to be great pain. However, when you contrast the original ransom photo the similarities are striking. Click here to see the the photos side by side. The apparent "steam" coming from Woody's hat is nothing more than lines drawn on the original photo with a crude software program. The same goes for Woody's mouth and the stain on the front of his pants. Any differences in the photos are simply due to the different nature of their reproduction in our labs. I feel certain that Woody has not been harmed, and is doing fine, considering his circumstances.


We don't know the course that our own struggle will take -- or the sacrifices that might lie ahead. We do know, however, that the defense of freedom is worth our sacrifice. We do know the love of freedom is the mightiest force of history. And we do know the cause of freedom will once again prevail.

Until Next Time,
L

"Staff meeting, everybody"

First off, we'd like to thank Frau, for organizing the wonderful woody support rally. This photo was posted in the comments section yesterday. The rally was held many thousands of miles away from here in West Virginia and just goes to show the world wide support this campaign against terror has. By looking at the photo, you can truly know that when Frau says, "Got Wood?" it comes from the heart. Thanks Frau. Welcome to the coalition of the Woody!

Well it looks like the terrorists have gone underground. They seem to be laying low. At this point we are just picking up low level signal intelligence. We also know, that based on this and solid human intelligence, that they ARE checking out this site on a regular basis. Unfortunately, I cannot say more, as I do not want to compromise our assets. But I can say we do know more, much more. So stay focused, stay the course. This just proves that our efforts are working and we hope to have Woody safely home as soon as possible.

We have a mission, and that mission comes from our most basic beliefs. We have no desire to dominate, no ambitions of empire. Our aim is a democratic peace -- a peace founded upon the dignity and rights of every man and woman. We act in this cause with friends and allies at our side, yet we understand our special calling: This great republic will lead the cause of freedom.