"Just gather everyone up for a staff meeting"

Now that he has returned, in an effort to protect Woody from future attacks, a team of crack defenders has been assembled to ensure his safety. This team consists of (L to R)

• The HULK, Head of Interrogation
• Superman, Homeland Security
• Bart Simpson, Master of Mayhem
• "Clone" Woody, body double
• Woody, The "sheriff"
• Doomsday, Muscle
• Batman, "Black Opps"
• Bizzarro, International Security
• Sarge, Military Intelligence
• Wonder Woman, Seductress
• Amazo, Stealth Opps

"We will never back down, never give in, and never accept anything less than complete victory."

He's BACK!!!

Christmas came early. WOODY'S BACK!!! Not only is he back, but he was returned safely. He's back with out us capitulating to terror. Not only that, it looks as if the terrorists have turned over a new leaf as he returned with a donation to a local children's charity. AWESOME !! In the end, no amount of posturing or threats could compete with the spirit of Christmas and goodwill that comes along with it. I'm glad the saga, is (just about) over.

"We will never back down, never give in, and never accept anything less than complete victory."

No More Mr. Nice Guy...

"Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry..."

Yup. We've got a new ally in the war on terror. Brought out of his basement prison, the Incredible Hulk is now on the scene. He's not a "replacement" for Woody, we have several "body doubles" for that role, he is a seasoned crime fighting veteran. Terrorists, watch out. His rage knows no bounds.

Due to the new security forces we have in place and the lack of any sign of activity from the terrorists, the Security threat level is now being lowered to YELLOW

"The terrorists are as brutal an enemy as we've ever faced. They're unconstrained by any notion of our common humanity, or by the rules of warfare. No one should underestimate the difficulties ahead, nor should they overlook the advantages we bring to this fight. "

Where in the world are you?

Sorry for the long time with no updates. Nothing new to report. Ministry, one of my favorite bands heard of my fight against the evil doers and commissioned a song to help the fight. The song "No W" from Houses of the Mole'

I am sorry about the poor sound quality in the following video. You might want to turn it up so you can hear it better. Enjoy the show.

"Are you shrink-wrapped?"

We received a new ransom note yesterday. No photo of woody this time, but there was a note from "Woody" along with the ransom note. However, we have reasons to doubt it's really from Woody. We have a couple of reasons to believe this. 1). It's a type written note. As far as we know, woody cannot type. 2) Woody would NEVER cooperate with terrorists. 3). My name is MISSPELLED in the note. The real woody would NEVER mis-spell my name. We do however believe this note is genuine. They knew the details of what had happened to woody to a tee, and more importantly, the particulars of the delivery of the note was exactly as they have been in the past. We cannot give out these details, as they might compromise our search for the terrorists.

So there you go. The same old tit for tat that's been going on for almost 6 weeks now. Despite the whisperings that we have neglected out duties, we are still making progress and the terrorists will be brought to justice any day.


History tells us that logic is false. We didn't create terrorism by fighting terrorism. This is not the reason why the terrorists are at war against us.

Here is the list of things to do while I'm away.

Hi everyone,I know it's been a while, but here is what I've got. I went on a cross country excursion. I spent the weekend in Orlando FL. As many of you may know, this is Woody's adopted home. After much searching over 2+ days, I found lots of evidence of "Buzz lightyear" but none of Woody. We had fun and it wasn't a wasted trip per se, but now were back and focused on the task at had.

All was quiet while I was gone. Again the terrorists have gone underground. We've got some ideas to lure them out, but seeing as we were gone, we didn't have time to work on our plan.

As you may also remember, Sponge Bob and Raggedy Anne showed up last week. Sponge Bob still hasn't said anything. As you can tell by the look on his face he's been through alot. I fear he may be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or P.T.S.D. All he does when I pull his tongue is sit and shake.

And finally, we had a CONFIRMED Woody sighting in the building. Upon immediate investigation, it turned out to be a false alarm.

Also, don't forget you can sign up for an e-mail update to find out everytime I update this page!

Every nation must make a choice: We can support the moderates and reformers working for change, or we can yield the future to the terrorists and extremists. We have made our choice - we're standing with the moderates and reformers.

"No, Buzz, you've gotta come back."

Hi Everyone, I've got some things to report, but nothing urgent. I'm headed out of town for a few days, so I'll try to update the site as I can. After the return of Sponge Bob and Raggedy Anne, things have been quite. No news on Woody. We've also had a bit of a technical setback in our latest plan to recover Woody. That's ok, we expect things to be fully implemented when we return to the office next week.

What I'm really excited about is the newest feature for keeping track of what goes on here. Simply type your e-mail into the box below , and you'll be automatically contacted whenever I update this page. There is also a link to this on the right side of the page.

EDIT: Apparently the E-mail form isn't working. To sign up for updates, click the link below.

Subscribe by Email

We're pursuing a strategy of freedom around the world, because I understand free nations will reject terror. Free nations will answer the hopes and aspirations of their people. Free nations will help us achieve the peace we all want.

"Boy, am I glad to see you guys!"

LIBERATION DAY!!!

We don't know how, but Sponge Bob is BACK!!! YEAH!!! He and Raggedy Ann Showed back up today. I was gone all day and they were here when I got back! I'm not sure if the terrorists freed them or they escaped on their own and don't really care. They're back. I told everyone a few days ago, that our capabilities were about to be significantly increased. The terrorists must know this. This is why we are winning.

Photos and more details as soon as we have them!

Freedom is beautiful, and when people are free, they express their opinions. You know, they couldn't express their opinions before we came, now they can. I've always said democracy is going to be hard. It's not easy to go from being enslaved to being free. But it's going to happen, because the basic instincts of mankind is to be free. They want to be free. And so, sure, there's going to be people expressing their opinions, and we welcome that, just like here where people can express their opinion.